Meeting icebreaker dad jokes.

I just got fired from my job at a keyboard factory.

All I did was take a shift off...

I considered straightening the margins on that 100 page document.

But I couldn’t justify that amount of work.

My boss asked if I like working remote.

I said yes. It makes it easy to pause my shows for meetings.

Told my boss I needed a raise. Three other companies are after me.

He said, " fine what companies?" I said, " gas, electric, and cable

My nephew needed a job, so I told him to apply for the Search and Rescue Team.

They’re always looking for someone.

what did the boss of the unfinished pottery store tell their employee?

You’re fired!

What is an electrical engineers favorite song?

Watt is love, Baby don't hertz me, Don't hertz me, N-ohm more

I got fired from the bank today

A woman asked me to check her balance So I pushed her.

There are 3 types of people in the world.

Those who can count and those who can't.

What's a nuclear engineer's favorite lunch?

Fission chips

Just got back from a job interview where I was asked if I could perform under pressure.

I said I wasn’t too sure about that but I could do a wicked “Bohemian Rhapsody.”

I don't think I'll ever find a stable job.

Because honestly, I'm not that comfortable around horses.

Did you hear about the mathematician who's afraid of negative numbers?

He will stop at nothing to avoid them!

It’s OK if you miss a day at the blanket factory.

I’ll cover for you.

I spend all day slaving away at a watch repair shop.

Guess you could say I'm always working overtime!

What game do most of us play during working hours?

Call Of Duty :’)

I had an interview at a logging company that went really well!

So well, that they went ahead and made me the branch manager.

Peter gets a job

One day Peter rings his mum, all excited he says "Mum, I got a job with the World Health Organisation!" She replies: "The who?"

I was annoyed when I found out there's a COLA in my job contract.

I clearly told my recruiter that I wanted a PEPSI.

How does a male chemist flirt with a female chemist?

He says, "U and I are on the periodic table." And how does the female chemist brush off the male one? She says, "So is He."

My email password got hacked again

It's the third time I've had to rename my dog

What do you call it when the quantity of horses matches the quantity of hay?

Stable equilibrium

How does one pronounce “unionized”?

It depends on whether you’re a tradesman or a chemist.

How many stormtroopers does it take to change a lightbulb?

None. They are all on the dark side.