Dad jokes for teachers.

I got thrown out of math class

For one of too many infractions

Why did the cyclops close his school?

Because he only had one pupil.

My trigonometry teacher never stayed on topic.

He was always off on a tangent.

After weeks of research I have concluded which words in the dictionary aren’t spelled right.

All of them, except “right”.

What do Italian parents tell there children when they stay up late?

It's pasta your bedtime.

Why can’t T-Rexes clap their hands?

Because they're extinct

What songs do bad guys like to sing

Nursery crimes My 5 year old just made this up!

My five year old told me this one today: what has four arms and four legs?

A monster!

My nine year old today: “Dad, what did one frog say to the other frog?”

Time’s fun when you’re having flies!

After stealing all the punctuation marks off the judges keyboard....

I'm expecting a long sentence.

My new book is called Wooooaaooooh

I'm really regretting using a Ghost Writer

A book fell on my head

I have only my shelf to blame

At first I had no idea why the librarian was throwing Stephen King books in my direction.

Then It hit me.

It isn't surprising that if you rearrange the letters of POSTMEN...

They become VERY ANGRY.

I ordered a book called 'How To Scam'.

t's been 7 months. It still hasn't come. I hope it arrives soon.

I'm writing a book about all the things I should be doing in my life.

It's an oughtobiography.

What is a seal's favorite subject in school?

Art art art art......

My brother always bullied me growing up. He'd rip the last pages out of all my comicbooks...

...I'd always have to draw my own conclusions.

Why should you never write a love letter to your partner on an empty stomach?

Because it's a lot more convenient using paper.

I read a book on gambling addiction and I was so shocked of how it can ruin your life.

So I made the decision to not read that again

Today I saw a billboard with the word "BAD" on it.

It's not a good sign

Why are Janitors not allowed to use curse words?

Because they have to keep it clean.

What's it called when the first letter of the alphabet fills up his petrol tank off the coast of Africa in a state of extreme irritation?

Madagascar.

Did you hear about the constipated mathematician?

He worked it all out with a pencil.